A letter to my readers

Hello my beautiful readers. 

You may have noticed that i had taken a little break from my website. I can't believe i haven't posted since november, but life took some unexpected, painful turns, and i had to fix myself. 

In december my 5 and a half year relationship to what i thought was the love of my life, came to an end. Sometimes we hold on to people for the wrong reasons, and we let slide the wrong that happens because we love them. A time comes however, when you have to think about YOU and be the selfish person that you are accused of being. I had to speak up, and walk away. It hurt like hell to do it, and i honestly didn't think it would be the end of it but it was. 

We lived together, in a flat rented by his uncle, which means that as well as now being single, i was also homeless. 

My confidence was at rock bottom and i felt like my whole world was crashing around me. Those feelings of, "is there something wrong with me?" "is this all my fault?" "maybe he's right and i am an awful person" just wouldn't go away. 

I went to view a house i liked, put in an application, and then found out the company i worked for was going into administration. Yep, bad things come in threes they say. No fiance, no home, no job. 

I moved back to my mums being forced to leave my cat, and most of my belonging at my ex's, That was until he dumped them all on my mums doorsteps, but we wont go into that. 

Staying active online became so hard. I spent every minute alone, in tears. I felt worthless, questioning what the point in anything was. I missed being online and the support i had from people. 

So many of you reached out to me on instagram, noticing i was posting less frequently, and sharing some of the ways i was feeling. I am so grateful for those people. 

I decided i needed to do something to snap out of it. I opened up. 

Opening up is something i hate! Once i get going i just can't stop crying, but it needed to be done. I surrounded myself with friends and family and i let them comfort me, distract me, and remind me i am a queen. 

We all come across things in life that make us forget what we had planned and forget who we want to be, and that is ok. It's how we bounce back that is important. 

I had to snap out of it. I had to fight and restore my mental health. 

I sent out some CV's and got an interview within a week, a trial the next day, and the day after? I started that new job. I got this! 

Fast forward 2 months and i am feeling so much better. 

Not only did i start that new job, i also got my own house! The power of positive thinking really can guide you to new and better places. 

Now i can look back at what happened as a lesson. To remind myself that when life throws everything at me at once, i can bounce back stronger. I can survive it. And i do not need any man to carry me. 

Am i 100% back to being my active self? Not quite. I have a lot to sort out with my new home and getting settled, but i am feeling more confident than before and i can not wait to get back to recording and blogging now i have internet. 

2019 started out as the worst year ever, but it is shaping up to be so much better. 

A dress size (maybe and a half) down, my hair is longer, my skin is clearer, i look better and i feel like a queen! 

Always take that time out to work on your mental health. Bottling things up is never the best and when you do it for so many years, you forget how to feel any other way. Never let anyone ruin your confidence. YOU are amazing exactly how you are, and anyone who tells you different and tries to change you, needs to be shown the door. 

Thank you for your continued support and love while i have been going through this difficult time. I couldn't have gotten through it without people like you. 

Love and kisses



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